Yesterday I had a little revelation about trust. I don’t know if this will make sense to anyone or not, but I feel like documenting it, so here goes:
I said a prayer yesterday in which I asked God to use me and work through me however He sees fit. Not a new prayer for me, but the next words that came to mind (I tend to pray silently) were “I trust You.” I don’t recall ever saying that before, simply because it hasn’t occurred to me. “Place your trust in God” is a phrase I hear all the time and I think maybe it had become a bit… benign for me. But I prayed those words and they struck me in a new and deeper way. I thought, here I am telling this unknowable, supernatural being, “Yes, I’m willing to have You take me over, willing to be an instrument of Your truly frightening power, because I trust that You won’t hurt me or anyone else in the ways that count; that You will, in fact, enrich my life if I can surrender it.”
Not that I have or ever had any control over how God chooses to use me, but a willingness to relinquish that control, to do things that are the will of someone else is really something in my world. While I try to be respectful toward the authority figures in my life and have learned to say the right words and follow instructions, I confess that I very much resent being told what to do and usually withhold some of myself. But it’s funny – I never realized that I react the same way toward God.